Tips for Parents:

  • Courage is one of the most important traits to develop in children. A child cannot go forward without courage. Courage overcomes handicaps.
  • The ability to encourage is the most powerful tool you will ever develop.
  • To allow a child to be of some help is probably the most encouraging move one can make in the child's development.
  • Behavior isn’t caused by anything. It’s chosen to reach a goal.
  • The behavior you see is not the problem. It’s the solution to a problem the child thinks he or she has.
  • A child learns how to listen by being listened to.
  • Punishment doesn’t teach a child to stop the behavior. It teaches the child to be more careful and not get caught.

Tips for Couples:

  • Healthy relationships require mutual respect.
  • Training for an intimate relationship begins in childhood when we teach a child to cooperate, to be responsible, and to care about others.
  • When you get upset you might ask yourself:
    • What is happening at this moment that I don't WANT to handle?
    • What is happening right now that I don't think I SHOULD HAVE to handle?
    • What is happening that I don't think I CAN handle?
  • Ask yourself: Which is more important—the relationship or winning?
  • Ask yourself:   Which do you want?
    • Do you want to fight or solve the problem?
      (two different goals and strategies required

"The fundamental guarantee of marriage, the meaning of marital happiness, is the feeling that you are worthwhile, that you cannot be replaced, that your partner needs you, that you are acting well, and that you are a fellow human and a true friend." Alfred Adler (1931)


  • For additional information about the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology:
  • For additional information about the International Committee for Adlerian Summer Schools & Institutes:

Copyright (c) 2020 Betty Lou Bettner, Ph.D.